Every relationship takes work. But military or defence force relationships can face some unique challenges.
Life in the defence force can require time away from home due to deployment, training, and other commitments. These periods of separation can be difficult and emotional for both partners, no matter how many times they’ve been through it.
But being apart geographically doesn’t mean you can’t feel close emotionally. In fact, working through distance can lay the groundwork for a lasting relationship, strengthening your communication and emotional intimacy.
We hope these steps help you positively navigate periods of separation in your military relationship.
1. Discuss expectations
Discussing the details of the deployment and setting expectations ahead of time can take away some of the uncertainty and anxiety while you’re apart.
Determine how and how often you’ll be able to communicate, and be clear about what you need from each other to feel loved and supported.
It’s normal for people in long-distance relationships or experiencing separation to need some extra reassurance from their partner.
Ensure you’re on the same page to avoid disappointment or surprises, and keep these conversations going as your relationship grows and changes.
2. Get creative with how you stay in touch
There are plenty of creative ways you can express your love and make your partner feel special from a distance.
The classic daily “good morning” and “goodnight” texts are a must, but also make an effort to send photos, videos, and audio clips when possible.
Clashing schedules or security rules around communication may make it hard to FaceTime or speak on the phone regularly, so videos and audio recordings are a great alternative to provide the same comfort of hearing your voice.
Some other great ways to stay in touch and make your partner feel loved from afar include:
- Watch a movie together. Netflix Party synchronises video playback and adds group chat, so you can react and respond in real time while watching your favourite shows and movies.
- Play online games together, such as Draw Something, a drawing and guessing game similar to Pictionary, or Words with Friends, a word game like scrabble.
- Go old-school and send a letter or email. Include some favourite memories of your relationship to make them smile.
- Send a care package with a few of their favourite things. This might include a favourite snack, a personalised mixed CD, and a shirt that smells like you.
3. Lean on your support network
Periods of long distance can be lonely for both partners, but you don’t have to do it alone.
For the partner at home, be sure to reach out to your friends and family in advance to let them know you’ll be on your own. This will give them a chance to check in and be there for you, and provide a heads up in case you need more emotional and/or practical support than usual.
Fill your social calendar and surround yourself with loved ones to help avoid isolation and loneliness.
4. Focus on self-care
This is another important tip for the partner at home.
It’s normal to miss your partner while they’re away, but it’s not healthy to rely on them alone for your happiness.
Maintaining hobbies and interests as an individual will help bring you joy, purpose, and fulfilment outside of your relationship.
Make your mental health and wellbeing a priority during periods of separation by focusing on self-care. This will look different for everyone, but might include daily exercise, dedicating some time to a hobby like playing an instrument or reading, and trying to get outside in nature each day.
Keeping busy and being happy with who you are can help prevent feelings of co-dependency, so get out there and live your life remembering your relationship is just one part of it.
5. Reach out for help
Professional help such as counselling can be a great option for anyone who needs some extra support.
Our counsellors can help you process your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment free from judgement. Sessions are available in person, over the phone, or via Zoom video call.
You can learn more about our counselling service here, or call 1300 364 277 to book an appointment.
Asking for help from friends, family, your workplace, or a professional isn’t always easy. We offer advice to ask for help when you’re not doing great here.